Very rude grandmother?
April 30, 2010 by
Filed under graduation party supplies
My grandmother prides herself on her intelligence. Given, Im not the smartest cookie, but I wouldnt assume it would matter to my Grandmother.
I would like to know if this is something Im expected to ignore, or if I should bother saying something to her?
An example:
Around the time I was to be graduating she asked if I wanted her to bring some hors d’oeuvres ( yes she really does talk like that) for my graduation party.
I asked her what kind ( simply wanting to be sure I didnt supply the same food as she brought along) , and she gave me the dirtiest look, and went off about how my school must not teach the same level of education as they did back in her day. Also, how it was a french word, and the H was silent….blah blah blah.
All I wanted to know is what kind of food she was going to bring -___-
She does this to everyone, gives you no chance to reply, because if you do …YOU are the rude one.
Shes in her 70’s but I feel so awful when we go out with her. Sorry, I can’t help it: another example.
We went to subway for a light lunch. My grandmother actually made them dump a whole bucket of lettuce in the trash, for them to open a new one! The reason? It was too wilty and she wasnt going to pay for the sandwich if that lettuce touched her food….I saw nothing different from the lettuce they threw out and the new bag.
Opinions?
Actually my response was ” sure grandma, what kind?” ….if thats any better.
Grandmother, she’s near death. Don’t give her a hard time. Just let her live how she wants to live, haha.
Your poor (in spirit) grandmother has a massive chip on her shoulder. Beware everybody, nobody can do right around someone like that.
Humor her and avoid her, whichever helps most in any moment.
The thing is, she may live longer than my mom, who’s 90. You may be in for a looooong haul.
Bummer.
Hors d’oeuvres is a pretty common word for appetizers. Everyone I know uses that word. You don’t have to be a genuis to know what that is!
I have known other people who have gone to Subway and make similar demands. One friend hates jalapenos but wants all other veggies on there. If the person puts a single jalapeno on the sandwich, she makes them throw the whole thing away and start over. Some people are just like that. Your grandma is not really that different than other women.
You could say after she is done ranting “Grandma I know what an hors d’oeuvres is, there is no need to be rude. I am simply trying to make sure we don’t bring the same type.”
Gently correct her if she is trying to “teach” you something you already know and call attention to her rudeness if she is indeed blatantly out of line. Just because she is an elder does not mean she is entitled to sound off at everyone.
Also, these demanding people are lucky I don’t own the store they are ordering in. If you don’t like my ingredients go eat somewhere else.
I’m “grandmother age” myself, so I can relate to both of you.
Your grandmother was raised with standards of etiquette that are quickly passing from the scene. She’s right about the pronunciation of “hors d’oeuvres” (ohr dur-vreh). You could have said, “Thanks for telling me. You don’t often hear that pronounced correctly nowadays. I was just thinking that it would be a good idea to coordinate what kinds we should serve.” (Hey, you get full credit for spelling it right!)
As for the Subway incident, that was a little much. If I had thought the lettuce was too wilted, I might have asked them to open a new package, but I don’t think I’d have made them dump out the old one.
As for your point of view — it’s quite normal for young people to feel embarrassed when their elders criticize them, or they do something conspicuous in public. It sort of goes with the territory. If you can relax and realize that the whole world isn’t really staring at you, you’ll learn a lot about conservative etiquette, which will be of great benefit to you in certain situations as you get out into the world. And if you encourage her to talk about when she was young, you’ll get the benefit of her unique window on the world.
My own grandmother was married in 1910 to an army officer. She would tell about dragging her little baby around to post after post in the United States, because she had asked her husband to promise that she could accompany him everywhere he was sent, as long as it was stateside. After the war, they lived in rented houses until the late 1920s. We have pictures of the house they built then. She was really radiant to have a home of her very own. She took meticulous care of it, because she had waited so long for it. All her family lore has been very precious to me and my siblings over the years.
I am looking foward to the time when I can be old and crotchety and tell everyone exactly what I think and not give a damn. If I were you, I’d try to see the humor in it.
It makes me laugh.
If I had asked you if you would like me to bring a dish to the party I would have been taken aback if you had responded with “what kind?”
The appropriate response would have been, “Yes, that would be lovely, thank you. Please let me know what you’re planning so we don’t have duplicates.”
When you answered with “what kind” instead of a polite yes or no with thanks for the offer, you sounded like you were being picky and ungrateful.
Sorry.
She may be the biggest crab in the world, but in that instance she started out polite and trying to do a nice thing. It’s possible what set her off was how you came across.
These things happen. And when two people have friction there are always two sides to the story and elements of truth in both.
My best advice is don’t dwell on HER behavior because you’re just worrying about something you cannot change. Don’t take her digs personally and don’t give her any ammunition.
Talk to your Mom or Dad (her daughter or son), and they can tell you if your grandmother has always been like this. What you describe is not uncommon among old ladies. Some call this “rudeness” just part of being old, like the phrase “grumpy old man”. Some old people are in chronic physical discomfort and unhappiness, including loneliness, hard of hearing, memory loss, feeling obsolete, occasional confusion, etc. It affects very old people to various extent. You are expected to ignore this. The people at subway who replaced the lettuce handled it well.
avoid her , she is toxic
Try to be patient with her. From what you’ve described, it sounded to me like she’s one of those elderly people who thinks that young people don’t have any respect for the elderly these days. Maybe that’s why she gave you that dirty look when you asked her what kind of appetizer she wants. Maybe she hasn’t accepted that things are done differently nowadays than the ways they were done back in her days. I’m sorry if I’m starting to sound disrespectful but this is just the impression that I’ve got so far from your grandmother. But anyways, try to be patient with her because when it comes down to it, she’s old and she’s your grandmother. So when she says things sometimes that don’t often sound pleasant, ignore it.